Camp NaNo didn’t last very long, but then I knew it wouldn’t. And because I already knew that I didn’t have the motivation and inclination to keep going with it.
I had a bad day on the 3rd which was a shame as I’d started writing quite an awesome short story on the 2nd which I will finish. The number of half finished short stories I have is terrible, but this one has potential so I don’t want it to rot away in my writing folder.
It was one of those bad days where I just wanted to delete everything and throw everything away. I managed to ignore the urges until the mood passed. But yesterday I thought seriously about it. And today I did it. Or I made a start, at least. I have deactivated my Twitter and Pinterest accounts (Twitter had been hacked anyway so it was a perfect opportunity), deleted my Goodreads, finally deleted my online diary which has been inactive for many years and I have only kept it for the sentiment, and sorted my emails so that I can start using my other email account. Only Facebook, WordPress and NaNoWriMo remain, although they are in need of organising to some extent but I don’t know where to start right now.
It feels good, it feels tidy. I feel like I am almost ready to start over. Things like Twitter I never really go into and I feel like if I am going to ‘get into it’ I have to do it on a clean slate, so I will be opening a new account once I have everything else sorted.
As for Camp NaNo, I need a different take. I sat down last night and read through a critique of my first two chapters from an editor. It had arrived before Charlie was born and I had only skimmed it then. It was my first critique and I was fearing what it would say. As it goes, I’m happy with it. There are some really positive things that give me the motivation to keep querying and there are plenty of points that I have taken on board and really want to sit down and make changes for the better. I was nodding along as I read it, kicking myself at some things, seeing other things through fresh eyes. There were a couple of things I had never been 100% happy with and I now know how I can make them 100%.
So I am now thinking I need to focus on editing again. But I know it is important to keep writing too. I just need to find that balance, and I suppose through organising all the clutter around me I will find it.